It may be difficult to see, but everything we do in life, consciously or unconsciously, fulfills a personal need. Whether we are offering a helping hand, defending another from harm or shielding someone from pain, there is almost always an underlying, self-serving component. If we can truly dig down into the “why” of our behavior, we will become more insightful and thoughtful in our future interactions.
Discomfort of others can expose a rawness within that may motivate or paralyze us. Whether we choose to ignore because it’s too painful to see, detach from the situation due to anxiety or intervene from our own sadness or anger, what we personally desire is included in the picture. Even during ugly predicaments or circumstances beyond our control, our deep emotional feelings can shed light on why and how we choose to conduct ourselves.
No doubt there is power in comfortably accepting who we are. Awareness of our deep-seeded feelings will offer a clearer picture of what actions will best nourish all parties involved. It’s during these moments of clarity when we can choose to do something out of love for ourselves as well as for others. It’s not an easy process to shine a light on our own behaviors, but there are always occasions we can grow and become even better versions of who we are.
Action:
Even if you cannot possibly find how your actions can be filling a personal need, this is when you can look much deeper under the surface. Are you content to remain silent because it’s too uncomfortable to argue? Are you rescuing someone in pain because it’s too emotionally painful to watch someone hurting? Does your attempt to diffuse the anger in someone else lessen your own anger or discomfort? Does your appeasing nature keep you stuck in an unhealthy relationship because you fear loneliness or causing disruption to another’s emotion? You can ask yourself what feeling is being invoked in you and then dig further into why you feel that way. Finding the answer may not be an epiphany, but when we come from a place of understanding, we develop more personal strength to act from the best version of ourselves.
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