Managing “What Ifs”

Sometimes our minds choose to play out alternate scenarios. It’s okay to occasionally revisit past experiences and prepare ourselves for the multitude of possibilities our lives can present. However, strong feelings have the potential to sabotage reasonable thoughts creating a whole set of unhelpful “what if” stories. Recognizing when emotions are influencing unhealthy thinking and knowing what we have the capability of influencing will aid us in making healthy choices.

Imagining possibilities can be a good thing, especially when we are creating, problem solving and discovering. Learning from the past and predicting what might happen helps us navigate our lives from the way we prepare for an upcoming event to avoiding danger. While this can be quite helpful, problems can arise when we ask these questions from a place of fear, worry and guilt. “What if something will happen” or “what if something different occurred” are the types of internal dialogue that can keep us in the pain of a realized or potential outcome. Recognizing when emotional discomfort rules our “what if” questions will help us act rationally for the future, accept what we cannot change and appreciate the lessons of life.

Emotions are a powerful influencer of how we view our personal circumstances. We become empowered to make sound decisions when we disconnect from negative feelings that prompt “what if” questions. Then ultimately finding peaceful and balanced living in the present moment becomes a natural consequence.

Action:
Every situation has potential to improve when we recognize the emotional place we are coming from. When you find yourself wondering “what if,” ask yourself these questions: Am I feeling guilt, sadness or fear that is making me ask this? Is there something that I can do to influence a positive change in this case? If making a change is outside of my control, what can I do to relieve myself of this thinking? Replaying a scenario in the mind while asking “what if” is only beneficial when an action can affect a different outcome. Otherwise perseverating doesn’t change anything. We can serve ourselves better when we move toward phrases that include “I am” or “I will.” These words promote intention and action on what we have the power to influence. And remember, if your questioning aligns with meaningful contemplation and wonder, by all means, continue to ask.

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